She’s an awesome lady, however I’m not interested in her. Can I make this work? Ask Ellie

QI’m a divorced man who’s been seeing a beautiful, caring lady for 4 months. I’ve been in various relationships since I’ve been single, which haven’t labored out for various causes, principally on account of lack of compatibility.

My drawback with this present lady is lack of bodily attraction.

I’ve continued to work laborious on the relationship as a result of most of her different qualities are very engaging to me and I’m making an attempt to not be superficial.

I hoped I’d develop to develop into bodily attracted however this isn’t occurring and it’s creating fairly a bit of tension in me.

In fact, this isn’t one thing we are able to focus on and work on collectively and I’m frightened that breaking apart may wreck one thing probably long-lasting.

How lengthy ought to I wait to determine this out? How ought to I strategy this drawback?

Misplaced at 60

AI agree absolutely that revealing your anxiousness over lack of bodily attraction to this lady isn’t a subject she’ll welcome.

As an alternative, contemplate your causes for breakups of “various relationship relationships” — lack of compatibility, and now, lack of bodily attraction.

Typically, these adverse emotions don’t simply change.

Additionally, as an alternative of simply shifting on, on this case you’re nonetheless relationship the lady after 4 months with none bodily attraction to her.

Clearly, your post-divorce relationship decisions are all trials, not critical intent. You already know your private pursuits however began relationships with individuals who don’t share them. At 60, you’re unlikely to wish to surrender on intercourse. But you’ve continued relationship this lady.

In the event you proceed, you’re going to look/cheat elsewhere. Or she’s going to make strikes you’ll reject. Finish of relationship.

I believe you’re afraid to decide to anybody.

That’s commonplace for a lot of divorced folks. However, moderately than date and run, which is disagreeable for everybody concerned, contemplate what’s holding you again from inside your self.

Make a date (on-line or in individual if doable) with an expert psychotherapist who’ll assist you to discover this matter, so your subsequent relationship story shall be anxiety-free.

FEEDBACKConcerning the lengthy relationship that’s gone awry (July 8):

Reader“There was wonderful recommendation given to the lady whose husband doesn’t really feel appreciated or liked sufficient.

“Nonetheless, he might must see his household physician for a checkup. I assume he’s late 60s and has been doing the lion’s share of labor round the home for 14-plus years.

“Having a lot accountability, whereas coping along with his spouse’s well being considerations have to be very draining and overwhelming.

“Maybe it’s time now for her to take again among the family chores and release time for him to do one thing he enjoys: Meet for espresso with pals, play playing cards at a seniors’ centre, go fishing, and many others.

“He has caregiver burnout and, respecting how a lot he’s sacrificed to handle her, it’d imply so much.

“Present him she loves him by giving him a break to take pleasure in his retirement. Discover a play he may take pleasure in and purchase tickets so that you two can have a date evening.”

Reader No. 2“Whereas I agree that she must skip the guilt and take a look at what’s occurring, this man wants to talk with a health care provider. These modifications over the previous couple of years could possibly be a difficulty along with his well being, bodily and/or psychological.

“In fact, she will converse to his physician herself. Though a well being skilled received’t give info to the partner or another person, it doesn’t imply the well being skilled can’t hear when given info.”

Ellie’s tip of the day

When a number of post-divorce relationships current main obstacles, maybe the date-seeker truly fears any dedication.

Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are recommendation columnists for the Star and based mostly in Toronto. Ship your relationship questions by way of e mail:


Conversations are opinions of our readers and are topic to the Code of Conduct. The Star doesn’t endorse these opinions.


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